The Art of maintaining friendship.

 

The art of maintaining friendship.

People say making friends is an art, and not everybody can do it. To me, that’s true — but the real art is in maintaining those friendships.

I often wonder when I see people posting childhood friends’ pictures, tagging them: “15 years of friendship,” “last year of friendship,” “bond forever.” I wonder how they actually maintain that friendship. How are they still connected after so many years? Do they regularly call each other, or just once in a while? Do

they share memes often, catch up, rant, or run to each other when life gets tough? Or is it just this mindful “friendship thing” — thinking about each other only when things get hard?

Honestly, I secretly feel jealous of them. Because I’ve never really maintained a friendship. To my knowledge, I meet new people, make friends, talk, laugh, rant, and have fun. Then we drift apart, no contact, nothing. I’ve never truly maintained a friendship.

Even my parents and grandparents have childhood friends. My grandfather happily mentions 85+ years of friendship! My mom still has a primary school friends’ group — they meet occasionally, visit each other’s homes, or attend functions together. While this looks like family-level bonding, for me, friendships never worked the same way.

I tried hard to make and maintain friends, but it never worked. When it comes to platonic love and support, I often felt isolated. I’ve never had a constant friend. When I wanted to hang out, I didn’t really have someone. Imagine living in a busy, happening city, yet going alone to cafés, walking alone, visiting places alone.

Being “alone” is supposed to sound peaceful, calming, good for self-discovery. But when it stretches too long, loneliness replaces peace.

When something nice (or horrible) happens in life, I often feel the urge to call somebody and share it. But then, scrolling through my contacts, that urge disappears into fear or sadness.

Sometimes guilt creeps in — am I the only one who feels this? I never consider myself a lonely or friendless person. I did have friends; I made many. But I never maintained any. Life now makes me stay alone. When I wanted to hang out with somebody, all I could do was scroll or end up going out alone.

When it comes to memories, though, I recall those good, bad, beautiful, and even questionable moments. I cherish them. But I rarely call or text the people I remember. Still, I think about them often.

Looking back, I see a pattern. Throughout my life, I’ve always had one or a few best friends who stayed with me during certain phases — travelling along with me, making memories, helping me survive those times. Then they faded away, not vanishing like magic, but remaining as part of that distant phase of life.

One such best friend is Nandhini. She was my very first best friend, the only best friend who helped me cross a phase. We have no contact now, by any means. But she was the only friend who reserved a seat for me during our school picnic to the zoo — and that was my first pride.

Nandhini was special. She even cried when I left that school, and before I left, she gifted me her blue earrings — used, but so precious. I still have them. She was the first person who made me feel special for who I am, not for my scores or prizes.

I often wonder how she is now. I even tried to find her on social media, but with such a common name, I faced too many fake profiles. Still, I wonder what she’s doing, how she’s living, what’s going on in her life.

This made me realize something: maintaining friendships is hard. Life often feels lonely, but we are social beings. The idea of being “alone” sounds peaceful, but in reality, we need someone — to share with, to express with, to laugh and cry with. Otherwise, we forget who we are.

So, if you were once my friend, and we lost touch: I love you. I think about you sometimes. Please try to maintain those beautiful friendships in your life — because they remind you of who you are. And even when you forget who you are, when life feels dark, true friends remind

 you that you are the light. ✨